


Ten Reasons

by ReaderJane



Category: Stephanie Plum - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-02-24
Updated: 2005-02-24
Packaged: 2017-10-06 09:58:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReaderJane/pseuds/ReaderJane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stephanie makes a list</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ten Reasons

**Author's Note:**

> Timeline: after Hot Six  
> Warning: this is not a cupcake story  
> Disclaimer: it's all Janet's

I slouched into my apartment and shoved the door shut with my butt. I slid down the door. My bag thunked onto the floor, spilling out a compact, my stun gun, car keys, a cell phone and a pair of cuffs. I swiped at my nose and sniffled..

Rex, my hamster and only child, stopped running on his exercise wheel. He pressed his little paws against the glass wall of his aquarium. His whiskers whirred to say, you think you've got it bad - my water bottle is empty!

"Oh Rex," I whined. "I'm a bad mommy. How can I possibly get married?"

That evening, over supper at Marsilio's, Joe Morelli had proposed. I'd been suspicous when he asked me out to a real restaurant. Our on-again-off-again relationship had been pretty rocky ever since I moved out of his house while I was being stalked by the Slayers. I'd needed a place to hide, and I hadn't wanted to endanger either Joe or my family. I was pretty sure Joe knew the place I'd chosen to hide was Ranger's apartment. Joe's not stupid.

But tonight he'd pulled out all the stops. Surprised me with a table at Marsilio's. Worn a suit. And then, while we were waiting for dessert, Joe had taken a small box from his jacket pocket. I'd known instantly that I was in trouble.

His eyes were warm as he opened the box and held it out to me. The diamond caught the light from the candle on our table.

"Stephanie," he said. Joe had paused to clear his throat. "I know we've had a lot of ups and downs. I hate your job, and you're not so crazy about mine. We both have tempers." I watched the light reflecting off the diamond's facets. His hand was shaking.

He continued. "But I think we can work things out. I know we can. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

I met his eyes. A worry line wrinkled his forehead. Whatever my reaction looked like, it wasn't what he'd been hoping for. The silence stretched out. Joe frowned.

And then - saved by the bell! - his pager beeped. Joe had grimaced and reached to shut it off. He'd glanced down at his belt… and seen the caller ID. He didn't say where the page was coming from, but it must have been something critical. Something vital to a case. Something more important than a marriage proposal.

He had shut the box and slipped it back into his pocket. "I have to answer this," he said, not meeting my eyes. "Tomorrow," he hesitated. "Come to dinner with me again tomorrow. I'll shut the damn thing off. And we'll talk."

We'd left Marsilio's in silence and he'd driven me back to my apartment without a word. He dropped a quick kiss on my hair before driving away to take care of whatever vice was disturbing the streets of Trenton tonight. And I'd trudged upstairs to my apartment, empty and silent now that Valerie and her family had moved into their new house.

But not so empty. Rex was here with me. Rex, who needed water. I heaved myself up off the floor and took the empty bottle out of his aquarium. In the kitchen, I scrubbed out the spout with a tiny bottle brush, rinsed the bottle, and filled it with fresh water. I fit the bottle back into its holder. Rex rushed over and eagerly licked at the spout, his happy pink tongue lapping the drops. Hamsters are very forgiving.

If only my problems were so easy to solve.

"Joe wants me to marry him, Rex," I said. Rex climbed back onto his wheel. His feet were a blur as he ran in place. "I've been running in place," I mused. "And I'm tired of it."

There was a time when a marriage proposal from Joe would have thrilled me. Tonight, it made me cringe. So why didn't I just say no? Why not say yes? What was my problem, anyway?

"I need to think this through once and for all," I told Rex. "And good thinking takes fuel. I need chocolate."

I rummaged through my cupboards, looking for cookies or Tasty Kakes. I peeked in the freezer. No brownie ice cream. But there was a package of ready-to-bake cookie dough. Chocolate chip. I stopped.

If I filled my apartment with the smell of chocolate-chip cookies baking, there was no way I was going to keep my mind on Joe Morelli. That smell brought back different memories entirely. I closed the freezer.

Resolutely I grabbed a legal pad from the junk drawer and a pen from the jar beside the phone. I marched back into the living room and sat down on the floor in front of the coffee table.

"We'll have to do this sober, Rex," I said. I wrote in bold capitals across the top of the pad, **10 REASONS TO MARRY JOE MORELLI.**

I wrote, **1). He has always been a part of my life.**

_Yeah, look how well that started out,_ Rex communicated telepathically. Rex could be kind of sarcastic sometimes.

"That's not fair," I told Rex. "Joe was only eight when we played choo-choo in his father's garage. How mature and responsible can you expect an eight-year-old to be?"

_Maybe_, Rex beamed back at me. He was sniffing around his food dish, checking to see if there were any crumbs left from the pie crust I'd given him earlier. _But what kind of man still gloats about it twenty-five years later?_

I sighed. Rex was right. My blood had boiled when Joe told me that I'd never gotten over him touching me when I was six. That really was a gross thing to say.

I scratched out number 1, and wrote **2). It would make our families happy.**

"You can't argue with that one," I told Rex. "My mom would be thrilled because I married a Catholic. My dad would be happy because Joe's Italian. Valerie would be excited because there would be a pack of little Morelli cousins for her girls. And Joe's Grandma Bella would have a new granddaughter-in-law to terrorize. Good news all around, right?"

Rex ignored me. He was back to running on his wheel. Rex isn't above avoiding the conversation when he can't think of a good comeback.

I was on a roll, so I wrote **3). Joe is great in bed.**

_Whose bed?_ said Rex.

My jaw dropped. "I can't believe you said that," I huffed. "I'm the only woman in Joe's life. He said so, and I believe him."

_Never lies, huh?_

"Okay, so he lies sometimes. But only about work. Not about sex." I started doodling a fancy border around my list. "I admit," I continued, "I was pretty pissed at him when I found out he'd jumped out of Terry Gilman's bedroom window. Especially since she was wearing that lace camisole. And they went steady in high school. And she still has the hots for him. But that's Terry, not Joe!" I stopped myself before I added any hearts with arrows or skulls and crossbones with Terry's name on them.

Rex stopped running and looked me straight in the eye. _He was great in lots of beds. Has he brought any presents with him to yours?_

"Of course not. Joe and I always use protection." Had I really checked every cupboard for chocolate?

_How you gonna have all those Italian babies using protection?_

This time I was the one who looked away. I couldn't meet Rex's stare. I didn't have an answer.

Let's face it, Joe had been a real stud at one time. To hear him tell it, he used to score with nine out of ten women he met. I figured that was probably a macho exaggeration, but even if it was half true, that was still a lot of partners. I'd never asked Joe if he'd been tested for STDs. It had never been an issue.

Moving on.

I wrote **4). Joe's willing to deal with my crazy family.**

I pointed my pen at Rex. "And that's no small potatoes. It isn't everyone who would eat dinner with Grandma Mazur and the Kloughn circus."

Rex muttered something that sounded like, _As long as it's only once a week._ I pretended not to hear him.

**5). Joe cares about me. He wants me to be safe.**

Before Rex could raise an argument, I spoke. "Joe rescued me when Benito Ramirez attacked me in the gym. He blew his own cover to save me. And he was really sweet to me and fixed me a hot fudge sundae after those masked vigilantes burned my hand at Uncle Mo's shop. And remember that time we thought Mrs Delgado's cat ate you, Rex? Joe offered to wake his friend up in the middle of the night and make him open the pet store and get me a new hamster." Rex's eyes opened wide. "Not that I could ever replace you, of course," I blurted. "I mean, you're special. You're one of a kind." I was babbling, trying to cover and only shoving my foot deeper into my mouth. "I told Joe that. And you weren't eaten after all, Rex. Anyway my point is, Joe wants me to be safe. That's why he gets so bent out of shape whenever I get injured on the job."

_Do you want to be safe?_

I stopped in mid-babble.

Did I want to be safe? Well, it's not like I wanted to be in danger, right? Danger sucks. It makes you sweat and cry and feel like throwing up. The thing is, I hate running away from danger. I hate not knowing if I could have handled it, whatever it was. There's nothing wrong with safety. It's cowering I can't stand. It makes me feel so small.

Digging deeper, I wrote **6). Joe has changed. He's not like the rest of the Morelli men.**

Joe's father had been a drunk and a womanizer. His cousin Kenny liked to hurt people for fun. Many times I'd seen Joe angry, but he always held it in. He never hit me. The worst I'd seen him do was knock a lamp off a table. He kept his drinking in moderation and put all that macho energy into police work.

Rex brushed his face with his paws, cleaning his little hamster whiskers. _Are you going to change?_

"I can change," I answered defensively.

_You going to stay home and clean house? Bake croissants?_

"Croissants?" I wrinkled my nose. "Joe doesn't want croissants. He wants pot roast and lasagna. And he's not all that picky about a clean house, either. I've seen how he lives."

Something was tickling the back of my brain. "Wait a minute," I continued. "I never buy croissants. Where did you learn about croissants?

Rex ambled into his soup can like he was going to settle down for a nap.

"Rex? Answer me. Hey." I reached into his aquarium and tapped on the can. A suspicion was starting to dawn on me.

"Caesar Rexilius Plum, look at me when I'm talking to you." I could have sworn I heard a little snore coming from inside the can. I grabbed it and dumped. Rex came sliding out, his little claws skittering as he tried to hold on to the slippery metal. He burrowed into the mound of shavings in the corner of the aquarium.

"You have a hidden agenda, don't you? Croissants, my ass! You just want to move back in with Ella." I picked him up and held him in front of my face. "Tell me the truth. Is there another mommy in your life?" Rex squirmed.

"This is great," I fumed. "Joe proposes, then can't even bother to stick around long enough to hear my answer. I have no chocolate. And now my hamster is two-timing me!" I set Rex down. He scrambled back into his soup can, his little hamster butt quivering in indignation.

I sniffed and looked around for a tissue, then wiped my nose on my sleeve. I wished Joe were there. I could never feel sad when he was around. Angry, maybe. Apprehensive, if I'd done something particularly stupid. Turned on when Joe was in the mood, which he mostly was. I only felt sad when he was away.

Trouble was, he was away a lot of the time. Joe was always being called away to some emergency or another. Sometimes I think he paged himself when he needed an excuse to escape. It was like he didn't want to be around me unless we were in bed.

Four more reasons to go. **7). I've never been able to tell him no.**

"What sort of a pathetic reason is that to get married? Don't answer that," I said, but Rex was doing his best Sleeping Hamster imitation.

"The thing is, Rex, I want Joe to be happy. Hell, I want to be happy. And if he asked me to marry him, marriage must be what he wants, right?" There was no avoiding it. I was going to have to think about what Joe wanted.

Joe wanted a wife who stayed home. His mother stays home. His brothers' wives stay home. Joe wanted to go to work, and come home to dinner on the table. He wanted a bunch of kids waiting for him to come play catch and teach them to ride their bicycles. He definitely did not want a wife who got covered in vegetable soup trying to drag some low-life back to jail.

"So why does he want me?"

Rex projected sympathy from inside his can. He was warm and cute and furry, but he didn't have any answers.

"If I marry Joe, Rex, I won't make him happy. He already complains that I give him ulcers. That he gets burned out worrying about me. If I marry him, we'll be fighting all the time instead of off-and-on like we do now. Except for when we're making up. The making-up part would be fun."

I tossed the legal pad onto the coffee table. I couldn't think of any more reasons. Ten was a stupid number, anyway.

_Why do you want him to be happy?_ I knew Rex was only pretending to be asleep.

"What kind of question is that?"

_Well?_

"Why do I… I just do, that's all. I mean, Joe's gorgeous and funny and he can be really sweet sometimes. And when he smiles and his eyes go that melted-chocolately color, I just… I want to give him everything he's ever wanted. I love him."

Rex backed out of his can and looked at me. I swear he raised an eyebrow.

"I do!" I protested. "I love Joe Morelli, Rex." Then I realized how weird those words sounded coming out of my mouth. I'd never said them before.

"I love him and I want him to be happy."

_And…?_

"And I don't make him happy."

_So…_

"So I can't marry him." I put my hand over my mouth. "Because I love him." It came out muffled sounding, like a sentence no one wanted to hear.

All the times I'd tried to tell Joe I loved him, I could never say it. Because I thought it meant, 'I'll be a different person for you.' Now when I finally figured out it meant, 'I want you to have something I can't give you,' it slipped out of my mouth without me even trying.

I thunked my head onto the coffee table. "Rex, what am I going to do?" I wailed.

He said, _You don't need me to tell you that._

Rex was right. I knee-walked over to my bag, its contents still spilled on the floor. I dug through them until I found my cell phone. I pushed the speed dial for Joe.

The call went directly to voicemail, which is what I should have expected given that Joe had left me to attend to a police emergency. I gathered my courage as I waited for the greeting to finish.

At the sound of the beep, I took a deep breath and said, "Joe, we need to talk."

Rex watched me solemnly as I disconnected and closed my phone.

He really was a very bright hamster.


End file.
